EuroLife: Day 39

Dolores and I took this picture of ourselves before the plane took off. It captures our last moments on American soil. Little did we know the adventures that awaited us. Though I, at least, should have known, since I've lived in Germany before.

I spent today in the library writing a brief paper on Kant and Goethe. On Tuesday I, along with two of my colleagues, will present papers to the forty or fifty scholars that comprise the SFB. I never realized how bad by German had become, until I tried to write this paper. In honor of my bad German, and to elicit your sympathies, I will devote today's post to presenting ten reasons German is hard.

• Reason Number One: The Germans have seven different words for "you." For starters, the German word for you depends upon the formality or familiarity of the relationship. If I say, "What do think?" to my friend, I use one word for you, but if I say it to my colleague, I use a different word. Next, there is the difference between you singular and you plural, the difference between you and y'all or you guys, yous, yous guys, yins, and sometimes even yins all. Finally, there is the difference between you nominative, accusative, and dative. This is something like the distinction in English between I (first person singular nominative) and me (first person singular accusative and dative). Each of these differences yields a different grammatical possibility, which means theoretically, the German language could have 2x2x3 = 12 different possible words for you. Because some words for you have multiple meanings -- like "sie" which means (a) you formal singular nominative, (b) you formal singular accusative, (c) you formal plural nominative, and (d) you formal plural accusative -- there are only seven words for you. Amazingly, small children still manage to learn this language.
• Reason Number Two: German has six different definite articles (i.e. words for "the"), depending on the case and gender of the word that follows the definite article
• Reason Number Three: It is very difficult to determine when to use the formal and when to use the informal version of you. The proper form of address varies from situation to situation and from person to person. Sometimes it seems to vary with the same person in different situations. Even if I use the informal address with one of my colleagues in private conversation, in a work meeting it would be more appropriate, I think, to use the formal address.
• Reason Number Four: This next one applies to any foreign language. Consider the difference between the words string, yarn, thread, twine, and rope. It takes a fair amount of experience with long pieces of cloth to learn the difference between these English words. This shows just how many different words there are in a language.
• Reason Number Five: In German, the verbs often come at the end of the sentence. This means you have to know what you are going to say before you say it, and you still have to remember what you said when you get to the end of the sentence. Often even German speakers have an awkward pause at the end of their sentences as they try to remember the number and person of the subject. So, suppose I wanted to say, "If you don't want to do anything with me tonight, maybe I will just go out with somebody else," I would have to say -- in English but using German word order -- "If you anything with me not want to do do, will I maybe out with somebody else instead go." Think of the way that Yoda speaks. He speaks English with German word order.
• Reason Number Six: Bavarian dialect.
• Reason Number Seven: Thuringian dialect.
• Reason Number Eight: Swiss dialect.
• Reason Number Nine: The word for "speed limit" is "Geschwindigkeit Begrenzung." This word is too long to fit on signs, so there isn't a speed limit on the Autobahn.
• Reason Number Ten: Many verbs have separable prefixes that come at the end of the sentence. So with the basic word, "go" for instance, you can form different verbs by adding "in," "out," "a" and "up." Usually, the resultant meanings make sense. So "ingo" means to go in, and "outgo" means to go out. However, "ago" means to perish, and among other things, "upgo" means to burst. Things become complicated when the prefixes go to the end. Suppose, for instance, I say: "I will go with my friend..." At this point, you don't know what I'm going to say. Are we going to go in? Are we going to die? Or just burst? So you never know what what people are going to say until the end of the sentence.